I second all of this! Complete waste of $20. Just drive around the south side of the building and see the back of the building! It’s all a big front/facade!

Don’t write off Top Secret yet…as of 2005 they’ve doubled their size and revamped their show! It’s not scary any more (for a truly scare the crap out of you experience I recommend the Dungeon of Horrors in WI Dells) but it’s great for good family entertainment.

And here’s a tidbit for all you Dells tourists…everything is a facade!

I visited it after the revamp – it was retarded. I feel sorry for the people that got taken before it was “revamped.” I didn’t really care to be scared or anything like that – just wanted to be entertained. The only way I think this would be good for my family, is to put the baby to sleep. I was wondering why the advertisements and website were so simple and vague – they don’t want to show anything off cause there isn’t anything interesting to show off.

Heh. I work there and I always feel so sorry for the people who pay $12 a pop to go through the thing, but then I remember that you’re not going to find a much higher-quality attraction /anywhere/ in the Dells. The trouble is, it has some decent potential, but the managment is kind of ass-backwards. I try to make it fun (and slightly less politically biased!!!) by telling a lot of jokes whenever I’m with a tour group. But in the end, it’s just a stupid summer job, and the people who go through it are, well, just tourists.

I just went to this atrocity today and I am still recovering. Worst thing I have ever wasted money on. Short, boring, confusing. One “scary part” barely worth mentioning. Cheesy. Do not waste your money. It’s actually worse than you imagine. My boyfriend and I expected this to be bad after reading all the reviews, and it not only met our expectations but far exceeded them. The time spent on this would have been better spent watching paint dry or perhaps watching two blades of grass race for the sky. It is possible that we are dumber now for having seen this. I wouldn’t go again if someone paid me. You have been warned.

WOW…I knew my family and I had been scammed when I left this place. I can not believe that the owner/owners of this tourist trap will do anything to take a tourist dollar. I have never been so suckered into such a scam. No doubt this was built by scam artist and I hope the get caught.

I didn’t think it was really that bad as you guys say it was. I went there last fall and compared to the other traps around the Dells it was pretty good. My family went to about 4 or 5 of those types of things in one day and Top Secret was the best out of all of them. We went to some alien haunted house and that sucked. Nothing jumped out at you or moved. Then we went to a different haunted house and it had things that jumped out but they were behind plexiglass windows and you could see the mechanisms working it. And think of all the hard work people put into building that. Yeah I thought it was going to be cooler but it was still fun.

I agree completely with what’s been written so far – with the exception of the obvious corporate-planted favorable ratings. It’s hard to describe how absolutely lame, bizarre, half-baked, ill-advised, and cobbled-together this Dells “attraction” is. Unless you’re writing your cultural studies thesis on down market tourist attraction genres, do not go here. The only consolation is the fun you’ll have discussing the levels of lameness of the ride back home.

horrible!!! worst attraction in the dells!!! do not waste your money on this. i went to the dells with my mom and we enjoyed many of the tourist attractions there. haunted houses, the wonder spot, mini golf, and the rick wilcox magic show were all very enjoyable. of all these (other than the magic show) top secret was the highest price and by far the worst. there was nothing to it. as my mom put it “it was like torture walking through there.”

The dumbest thing I have ever experienced. If anything deserves a class action law suit for fraud, this is it. The guides appeared to be weird and spacey and just dumb or perhaps they were just embarrassed to work there. We were laughing at ourselves upon leaving for having been so duped. The whole top secret complex should be burned down by a top secret fire.

This is the worst thing I have ever spent my money on. Drive around the back of the building before you waste your money – it’s an aluminum warehouse! And what, do the workers actually live back there? What a totally stupid tourist trap. My nine-year old son and his cousin were telling the tour guide/”actor” how obvious she was when pressing the “secret” buttons to make the effects start. I felt so sorry for the poor woman when she had to go into a plywood box and had to pretend to be attacked by an alien dog. TOTAL WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY. Still not sure what the point of it all was, but I guess the owner is laughing all the way to the bank because he/she has our money!

I and my siblings and their families just got back from a Dells trip. One evening we split into groups to do different things. One group went to Top Secret, the group I was in went to Wizard Quest and other groups did other things. When we got back, we compared notes. The comments from the group that went to Top Secret mirror those found on this site – it was boring, short (time-wise, it was about 30 minutes), not funny, not scary, not interesting, not fun, and overpriced at ANY price considering that you got no entertainment value out of it. They echoed the words “complete waste of money”. Even the four year old in the group was pointing out the obviously bad effects to the tour guide. And that was another thing they didn’t like. It wasn’t a “do-it-at-your-own-pace” type of adventure. Instead, you were guided through the misery by an employee. On their way out, they were questioned by the members of a large group (who were deciding on whether to buy tickets) if it was any good. My sibling’s group described what was inside and said “save your money and do ANYTHING else”. The large group thanked them for their honesty and for saving them time and a lot of money.

To counter the comment somewhere above from the employee, “you’re not going to find a much higher-quality attraction /anywhere/ in the Dells”, I will describe my experience at Wizard Quest (I know this site is not for that purpose, but I want to make a comparison of dollar value).

I didn’t intend to go to Wizard quest, as I’m not “into” the world of Middle earth, Lord of the Rings, Dungeons and Dragons kind of stuff, but my nephews needed an adult to go with them, so I went. The cost was $12 for an adult (and less for under age 12) for a 90-minute “find the wizards and free them” game, complete with different “realms” to explore, and questions, riddles and puzzles to search for and solve in order to free the various wizards. It was part “theme adventure”, part funhouse, part scary (for little kids), part search-and-find, part “quest” and lots of fun. I was surprised what a good time I had. So, for the same price as Top Secret, I had an experience that lasted three times as long and was really fun to do.

One thing about Top Secret that draws your attention is the façade of the building. It is very interesting looking (it’s the White House that looks like it’s been through a violent earthquake) and makes want to know what’s inside. Kind of like a deadly flower that draws in an insect and then eats it. Our family’s experience warns: STAY AWAY from Top Secret.

I agree with everyone here. I went with my mom, and we agreed that it was practically painful to watch the tour guide try to keep our interest by cracking lame jokes, etc. with no reaction from anyone in the group.

spend your money on something .. anything .. else.

THE MOST RIDUCULOUS THING I’VE EVER SPENT MY MONEY ON! WE SHOULD’VE KNOWN BETTER WHEN WE ASKED THE GIRL WHO WAS SELLING THE ADMISSION TICKETS IF WE WOULD BE MAD AT HER AFTER THE TOUR AND SHE REPLIED THAT SHE’D ALREADY BE GONE FOR THE DAY! DUMB, LAME, STUPID, IDIOTIC, NOT ONE GOOD THING CAN BE SAID ABOUT TOP SECRET. MY HUSBAND & I REALLY DIDN’T WANT TO GO IN THE FIRST PLACE, BUT JUAN MADE US GO…….

My expected FUN Filled visit to TOP SECRET went on the floors today and I am still recovering from the “TOTAL WASTE OF MONEY AND TIME” that I had by taking my entire family to this so called FAMILY FUN Attraction.

To Summarize, I would not recommend this to even my ENEMIES.

Okay, to summarize my experience with Top Secret: everything negative that has been said here and then some. Oh, where to begin? I went there this last summer (2006) after being drawn in by the exterior (a MASSIVE facade, as stated). After buying my overpriced ticket from a cold, snarky foreign woman at the ticket booth, I waited in the heat and humidity for about 15 minutes while a tourguide stood there staring off into space. When we finally got on our tour, our guide turned out to be this foreign guy with a thick accent and a poor attitude. The tour itself was dumb and not even remotely humorous. I recommend that this building by bulldozed immediately and converted into something useful and entertaining, like a parking lot.

It’s crap! Not even a waste of time but a sheer rip-off that even P T Barnum would be ashamed of!

thanks everyone for letting me knoe. i was wondering what was in there, but now reading this, im pretty glad that i didnt go to waste my money on ‘Top Secret’

Really. I was about to start my own crusade against this ridiculous attraction, but it looks like this blog has a great start and great one liners. My hope is that you do not underestimate the negative things said about this attraction. I am also afraid that some may read this blog and think, “God, it can’t really be as bad as they say.” See it. Take the picture of the otuside. Get back in the car and leave before that morbid curiosity kicks in. Better yet, don’t drive by in case one of the kids want to see the “cool” building.

this place sucks the big one i would have more fun burning my money

OH!!! NOW you tell me!!! I wish we would have found this blog BEFORE we went to see this “Attraction”. My wife and I went to see Top Secret on our honeymoon. We had been to Wizard Quest the day before and loved it, so we thought we’d try this one. All I can say is WOW!!! I think a parking ticket would have been a better value! (At least we’d get a good parking spot.) We are also now dumber for having been there. PLEASE…if your curiosity is getting the better of you, give a friend the $20 and let them hit you on the head with a hammer…

I completly agree, this is a stupid and completly useless. I went there and paid to go in it. I wish that I read this before I went. The tour guide sounded like she had repeated the same thing over and over again. Props all look fake and It was a complete waste of money. The jokes and puns that she said were all stupid and not funny at all. Guide acted sleepy and acted as if she had just gotten out of bed. This was at 3:30!!!!! I AM TELLING YOU SPEND YOUR MONEY SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!!!

Can someone please describe what is inside the building? I have to admit, that even after reading all your bad reviews, I am very curious about how this attraction could be so universally condemned.

I gotta agree with Scott on this one. After everything I’ve read here, I seriously doubt I’ll be seeing what’s inside/behind that eye-catching facade. Still, I really would like to know what IS in there. So far all I got is an upside-down replica of the Oval Office and a woman pretending to be attacked by an alien dog.

As long as I’m here, I would like to recommend another Dells attraction: Alligator Alley. Something like 14 dollars gets you a bag of meat chunks you can feed to the alligators, as well as a photo of you holding a live gator or python (your choice). Everything’s set up to ensure safety, even the alligator feeding. I would recommend this to anyone; especially reptile lovers, but also people who don’t know much about them. Holding a live alligator is NOT as unpleasant as too many people seem to think.

couldn’t agree more. Please if you are dumb enough to go through, at least do the people entering the ride a favor and warn them on your way out.

I would have been better off smoking the $40 in the parking lot instead of bringing my family of three on this “attraction”.

The actors didn’t even try – they knew it was a lame show. It was like watching a elementary school play, but you weren’t proud of the kids for doing it – because it cost you a shit ton of money to be there.

Save your cash and go spend it on main street.

I recently went to top secret and while it was lame, aren’t all the tourist attractions in Wisconsin Dells lame? I mean youre in Wisconsin!! There really isnt much else to do there besides blow your money on this type of entertainment. I might have enjoyed it more than everyone else because we had a really good tour guide who was actually quite funny and seemed to enjoy quiding us through this ridiculous place. You should know going into it that it’s just a joke, I’m not sure what everyone expected to be in there!

>> debbie

I don’t agree. I have been to alot of the Dells’ attractions since I was a kid. 20 years of the Dells and Top Secret is the only attraction that I can say I was fully disappointed in. There are a couple others that I wouldn’t go back to again, but with Top Secret – I was upset about wasting the time and money.

The only thing fun about it was making fun of it and laughing at myself for being duped out of $20.

I took my family and grandchildren to top secret in June of 2007. It cost us 60.00. We were truly robbed, we wrote to the guy that owns it no response. Of course not crooks do not respond. Obviously a low life theif.

Im going on vacation here and I’m glad I read this first. Think I will just swing by, take a picture of the outside, and call it a day. Thanks for the warning and saving me some bucks.

I went to Wisconsin Sells this summer with my family, we decided to check this out because it looked so neat. I thought it was really fun. Sure, our toar guide couldn’t speak english, but overall it was better than any tour i’ve ever been on. Yeah it was a little cheesy, but you obviously have no imagination.

Thank you everyone for your comments. You’ve saved my husband and I the agonizing waste of time this attraction unanimously recieved from all the posted comments. Can’t believe they are still getting people to buy their tickets. Thanks!

Well I was just there on 7/19/07. We had to paid 12 dollars. It was ok, it better for families that had children. The kids had a great time. Its not something for adults to enjoy, the reason I loved it was a kid at heart.

Top Secret should be a secret! My husband and I were in Wisconsin this past month, July 2007. Being Seniors,not able to walk very much, there aren’t too many attractions that we can really enjoy in the Dells. Thought we would go and see what was inside Top Secret. We had to wait about 15 minutes for a guide, who wasn’t funny at all, made silly jokes, kept standing in places saying “hello” as you passed – I guess this was to be a scary thing. It was a waste of the money we paid. But how do you know what’s in there if you don’t go in. Yes, we’ve been had. At least the ticket seller let us in for the children’s price.

THANKS!!

We were so going to this until we read these reviews….off to a more worthy attraction!!!

top secret is the most fun i’ve ever had! EVER! it was comedy gold with a heart to match! oh, and the guides are soooooooo cute.

top secret rules! i bet most of the above people have never even been there. well worth the price of admission, very entertaining, a great time for the whole family!

Top Secret is disgusting. A total waste of money. It should be billed as a house of terror for children. I took 3 granddaughters there and they were all screaming hysterically. They were literally shaking by the time we left that place. Every stop we made where literature was displayed, they grabbed the Top Secret advertisements and threw they away to save another child from being terrorized. Sorry, I would NEVER recommend that you go there with children. And our “tour guide” was from Russia and we could hardly understand her.

We went to this ripoff in 2004 and I was sooooo furious after the “tour” I wanted my money back. The owner is obviously a waste of sp***.

I went the other day..during the off season so it was only me and my boyfriend on the tour.i admit was lame but i did like the view, how everything was upside down..haha that was the most intersting part of the place. our tour guide was really funny so he made it a little less depressing..walkin through a bunch of rooms with furniture stuck on the ceilings..thats all it is the upside down white house..and then thre a lil dark maze section which last about 6 steps then its over..me and my boyfriend tried to make it fun by goofing around we laughed when we left..tip secret..yeah the secret is their getting rich off of every fool that pays to go in there..but hey i wish i owned that place i’d do the same thing but i’d at least try to acd some animation..